I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
