I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
