I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
