we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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