haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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