im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
