Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
