I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
