nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
