if only i could text you this smell
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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