kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
