I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
