I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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