I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
