$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
