so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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