walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
