She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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