she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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