i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
