if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
