Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
