The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
