I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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