YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My ass is underappreciated
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
