I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
