I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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