Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize