shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
