Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
