Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
