Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
