Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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