when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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