Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
