Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
