I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize