If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
