tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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