He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
