Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
