I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize