Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize