this just has baby written all over it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
