this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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