i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
