the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sorry about my life...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
