the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
