I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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