Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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