Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
