Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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