ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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