that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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