It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
