No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, beer. Big fan.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
