my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
