he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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