dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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