If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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