You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
