Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
