I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't notice because vodka
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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