my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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