I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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