i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was born a porn star she said
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
