I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
