Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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