once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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