I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
