I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize