So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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